Hello, this is the pilot speaking. Thank you for flying Solid Gold airlines, enroute from rural BC to central Ontario, by way of Cincinatti, Ohio. Emergency exits are to the left and right, just behind first class. And for your information, a deadly cobra has escaped the baggage hold, and is now loose on the plane.

This is the pilot again. Passengers on the left, if you'll look out your windows, you will see the beautiful praries of Saskatchewan. Passengers on the right, however, must still fear the deadly cobra.

Its me, again, the pilot. For your information, there are now seven deadly cobras loose on the plane. However, only two of them are in first class.

This is the pilot speaking. I have just been bitten by one of the deadly cobras. I can feel its poisonous venom slipping through our veins. Life is slipping away. Everything is fading to black. The autopilot will carry any of you lucky enough to avoid getting bitten to the...

Third Seasonal Awards

And now your host for this evening, who was bitten once to often as a child, El-Doooooooooooraadoooooo

Eldo's Ponderances
 
dsvsbb, let me ask you something. What the HELL were you thinking? I mean, false reporting against one ref could be dismissed as a mistake. Two, well, maybe you got the names confused. I mean, a lot of names do sound like Earthwrmjm. But really, false reporting against zot makes me have my doubts. Tell me, around that time, were you in Whistler hanging around with the snowboarders?

Ahem :)

Anyways, welcome to the third season SGWL awards ceremony.

Now I bet you're asking, who the heck is this El-Dorado dork, and where the heck is the other guy that usually does these things? Well, you're probably not, but I need to fill up space anyway ;) Well, as you hopefully know, its Holy Week, and that means our fearless, yet pastoral leader is pretty busy. So that means I'm standing in for this season. I am David Letterman to his Billy Crystal.

Hrm.

"Uma, Oprah. Oprah, Uma."

:)

Anyway...

'Twas the best of times, 'twas the worst of times. 'Twas a season where you wondered what else exactly would go wrong next, and yet it was a season of triumphs as well.

Hrm, where to start :)

How about with the server? LaDeDadi said it best, "Its slower then a grandma in a stiff coma." One.net also, in all its infinite glory and wisdom, decided to shut themselves down periodically. Then, for reasons known only to them (a fit of pique), they decided to shut down the KPUD server, and kick us out of virtual house and home, leaving us out in the cold, shivering.

And who can forget the multiple clan wars that went down the crapper? And of course, their's pornogate. And the incursion of the illegal aliens from St. Louis #1? And the record mongers/rank whores/false reporters that just seemed to pop out of the woodwork all at once? Its a wonder the whole staff isn't working out of padded cells.

But hey, things weren't all bad. zot finally sold out and is earning money towards getting a half decent new server. We finally found a new, and hopefully permanent home in Lightstream Int. Sure, a Mech 2 clan claims it as their own too, but haven't they ever heard of squatters rights? :) All this with the release of the almost mythically hyped Starcraft just over the horizon.

So lets use this opportunity to look back at the season that was, and look ahead to the great one that is to come. 

 
Muchos Gracias 
 
The first two people that I've gotta thank are my fellow SGWL referees and partners in crime, Bob, and Earthwrmjm. These are the guys that make the league run as smoothly as possible, and in the process, put up with metric ton of crap that some people throw at them. Just remember that before you complain about the refs never being on.

Whew, thats my rant for the evening :)

The next two people that deserve to have large shrines devoted to them are MugWump and Ohwrd, our resident code monkeys, and go-betweens in the big One.net mess. They both have the patience of saints, and should be revered as such. I can't say enough about the amount of work these two have put into the league.

I'll leave my salute to zot and his greatness 'till later....

So get your "its great just to be nominated faces ready", and please, please, PLEASE, keep your acceptance speeches under 45 seconds this season ;)

But first a word from our sponser... 
 
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FACT: King Tut commissions for himself and his family a crypt of solid gold.

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FACT: Klondike gold rush begins beause of the discovery of a vein of solid gold in the mountains of the Yukon.

FACT: zot begins hugely successfull Solid Gold Warcraft league

Sheer cooincidence that solid gold reoccurs throughout history? Or something more...

New from Time-Life, the Solid Gold series of books. Order today, and you'll recieve the first book, Solid Gold in ancient times, free to preview for seven days. Return at any time. If you're satisfied, you'll recieve a new book every month, for the rest of eternity, at the low cost of $19.95!!!! Place your order today!!!!!!!

Operators are standing by...

We now return you to our regularly scheduled programming...
The Coolness Awards
These are awards for originality, creativity, and other non-Warcraft-related contributions to the league. Keep in mind, however, that this is what zot thinks is cool, not me :)

Coolest New Clan Name

Discounting the very deserving clan names that ran over from the previous seasons, of course:

Coolest Clan Motto

The most memorable and original lines from the previous season. Again, I remind you, these were zot's choices ;):

Coolest Bulletin Board Post

Oh my goodness! I... i... i'd like to thank the academy... :)
The Specialty Awards

The Generalist Awards

- or: the "it's a good thing you're in the SGWL" awards -

Ahh... the generalists... known by some as the "map dorks." :) Here's a true story: Earlier this season, a high profile SGWL member, who shall remain nameless (you know who you are :), lost a ladder game to an opponent whose name slips my mind. What was funny was that the map was Mine the Center, and he couldn't find the other starting slots, because he had never played it before. Now thats a rabid generalist hunter :)

Anyway, this award goes to the person with the highest generalist rating on the season.

The Pit Bull Awards

These awards recognize the ones that just kept slugging it out despite all odds - the ones who kept on losing but kept on playing. For thick skins and great attitudes, we give humble tribute to:

The Warcraft Addict Awards

- sponsered this season by the Betty Ford Clinic -

These award winners played more games this season than anyone else in the league. Sigh... I wish I had that much free time ;)

 
Most Valuable Players
These are the ones you wish you had in your clan. They remained loyal, kept playing, kept winning, and racked up more clan points by themselves than some entire clans had put together. Presenting the one-man-armies of the SGWL:

Division A

Division B

Division C

 
Divisional Champions
These awards are granted on the basis of the best seasonal score in each division. These represent the the players with the best overall combination of earned points, win/loss ratio and generalist rating for each division: hard-earned awards in every case.

Division A

Division B

Division C

 
Global Domination
They will fight on the seas and oceans...

And now we come to the stuff folks have been fighting for: in the battle for global domination these are the SGWL's 3rd-season world powers:

Division A

Division B

Division C

 
Warlords
And now to acknowledge the 2nd-Season Warlords - the Great Ones of the SGWL: Honourable Mentions are also due to the others in the top 10:  
Most Improved Players
- or: the "Since when did they get good?" awards -

These prestigious awards are for the players who have improved the most according to their skill rating since the beginning of this season:

I'll go a little off topic here for a moment. For the last two seasons, Bob has been the second most improved player in the SGWL. Bobby, I don't know what you're taking, but dagnabbit, I want some :)

Hrm, maybe zot should start doing random steroid tests...
Sportsman of the Season
Did you ever know... that you're my hero....

The nice guy award :) The nominees are some of the nicest people on kali, and zot and the staff are proud to have them in this league. Note that activity really doesn't enter into this award, its the quality of the person, not the games.

Previous titleholders are not eligible for this award.

To even be nominated for an award like this is an incredible honour. Congratulations go out to the other nominees, listed here in no particular order: Again, congratulations to all the nominees.
A Musical Salute to zot

zot is the very model of a leaguemaster exeptional,
He's got information both priestly and warcraftional,
He knows the clans of one.net, and he quotes the wars historical.
>From Katanic Cult to Bregan D'earthe, in order catergorical;
He's very well aquainted, too, with matters much more practical,
He understands the rush, both the simple and the tactical,
Of med res milling he has a lot o' news,
With many cheeseball strats with peons and their suicidal views.

With many cheeseball strats with peons and their suicidal views.
With many cheeseball strats with peons and their suicidal views.
With many cheeseball strats with peons and their suicidal views.

With the forumlas he uses he's got experience in calculus
He can give the proper names of all the magi ogrecalulus
In short, in matters both priestly and warcraftional,
zot is the very model of a leaguemaster exceptional.

In short, in matters both priestly and warcraftional,
zot is the very model of a leaguemaster exceptional.

He knows our mythic history, Dark Raptor's and Lady FireLoch's;
He solves hard disputes, he's a pretty taste for paradox,
He quotes in his news all the crimes of Dumbyiculous,
With his refs he solves peculiarities parabolous;

He can tell undoubted Frus pics from bacchus' and saruman's,
He hums the CD music, both of orcish and of humans.
He's the only one that really likes this song,
And of course he'll be the only one able to sing along. ;)

And of course he'll be the only one able to sing along.
And of course he'll be the only one able to sing along.
And of course he'll be the only one able to sing along.

This season he'll write his forum posts in orcish cuneiform,
And tell you ev'ry detail of an ogre's uniform;
In short, in matters both priestly and warcraftional,
zot is the very model of a leaguemaster exceptional.

In short, in matters both priestly and warcraftional,
zot is the very model of a leaguemaster exceptional.

In fact, when he knows what is meant by "THF" and "millin'",
When he can tell at sight a archer's arrow from a javelin,
When such affairs as humans and magebombing he's more wary at,
And when he knows precisely what is meant by "mage's lariat",
When he has learnt what progress has been made in destroyer gunnery,
When he knows more of warcraft tactics than a novice in a nunnery--
In short, when he's a smattering of elemental strategy,
You'll say a better leaguemaster has never sat a gee.

You'll say a better leaguemaster has never sat a gee.
You'll say a better leaguemaster has never sat a gee.
You'll say a better leaguemaster has never sat a gee.

For all his warcraft knowledge, though he's plucky and adventury,
Has only been brought down to the beginning of the year, you see;
But still, in matters both priestly and warcraftional,
zot is the very model of a leaguemaster exceptional.

But still, in matters both priestly and warcraftional,
zot is the very model of a leaguemaster exceptional.

Thats it... its over... go home..

 No...

This awards ceremony was closed captioned for the humour impaired.